Tuesday, February 20, 2007

ITS JUST A FUCKING BOAT!


So my morning ritual is to wake up and open my front door, let some air in and breathe in the beautiful sydney harbour, bridge and opera house. Today it was totally obstructed by this fucking HUGGGGEEEEEEEE ship/boat WHATEVER. I thought cool... yeah that's cool. Then found out I had been sleeping under a a-hem ship for the past week, and realised this thing was worth 1 billion dollars and people pay 28k-250k to be on board, go around the world, something.

There is traffic everywhere, cars can't move, James is stuck on darlinghurst road, he can't get home. Cars are bumper to bumper. Planes, helicopters, noisy things you name it. I tried to walk (against the grain) to booty camp (yes getting fit!) and people were taking up the ENTIRE foot path. I had to walk on the road. This was from 7 AM this morning till... what's the time now? 9pm... GREAT. I have two hours left of this shit... people will be waving the thing goodbye.

I even found a chick with a camera snooping pictures of it from MY BALCONY! RUDE! I asked her what she was doing (this is a private building) and she said she was from THE AUSTRALIAN. Tell ya what, if that photo is in the paper tomorrow, i'm going to be pissed off.


<<< thanks to Jai for his artistic skills on this one.... ANYWAY. BACK TO IT.

HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR THE LOCALS. Now I know how it feels to be a local when say, splendour in the grass is on in Byron. Poor locals, i have respect now...! SO EVERYONE PISS OFF. STOP BEEPING YOUR HORNS, STOP YELLING, ITS JUST A STUPID BOAT.

Im really surprised some commerical opportunity hasn't grabbed this either. We're talking tens of thousands of people in one harbour suburb here. Adam Zammit take note, next time the Queen Mary Two is in town, sell some sponsorship. Could I suggest the free condoms (like at the big day out?) the amount of pushy mothers with kids and prams was alarming, not to mention fucking RUDE. Learn to use contraception people. I also couldn't get through to anyone on my cell... had to redial a few times, "NETWORK BUSY". That's how many people are in my area, the towers coudln't even handle it!!! They had fire works @ 8.40pm... they were bigger than NYE almost.... there's certainly the same amount of people around as NYE.



I guess the one thing that did bring me back a little was on my way home from booty camp, whilst pushing through the crowd, and waiting politely for people to take their photos with the boat, I stopped for a family of 4 - pleasant family, not rude. Just there to take their kids to see the boat. I thought, that's what this is about, the poor little families who probably will never be able to afford to board a cruiser, let alone the BILLION DOLLAR one. And they all looked so proud standing in front of the boat, beaming, that they got to witness this spectacular thing. I'm only sorry to that family for how i'm feeling, but everyone else can fuck off....!!!!

Maybe i'm the one you should be feeling sorry for. Because maybe I should be sorry to EVERYONE here and all the families about how i'm feeling, instead of being the stupid jaded bitch who doesn't give a fuck.

5 comments:

Justine said...

i agree! what is the big deal about the boat?? i dont think we are jaded, just not impressed by a large fucking boat.

capt'n stabbin' said...

boat haters united, will never be divided

andrew said...

Perhaps you should print this Blog on a Bedsheet and hang it from your balcony so that the folks on the boat can read it.

Does that mean your street is full of boat people?
Call border security!
Oh Hang on - they are probably not Asian, so I guess they're guests of the Commonwealth.

One of your best posts ever Mel, looking forward to when they allow a US Nuclear Aircraft carrier in the Harbour, then you'll be praying for the Queen Fairy to come back!

I think perhaps you should write songs about it and have an Impromptu Punisherz Protest show on the balcony and turn it up loud, Atari Teenage Riot style.

Miss you mel!

xx andrew
http://andrewg.tv

sophie said...

What a hilariously frenzied post! At first I thought it was going to be a run-of-the-mill bloggish rant, then you became paralysed by empathy and self-awareness!
In such troubled times I guess one should always remember to consult that reliable fountain of wisdom: What Would Pav Do?

Toni-Marie said...

We were plagued by images of it all day. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo it's a boat, named after an old wrinkly lady. I'm glad there are others just as unimpressed.